jiaying. (:
fifth april.

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let's chase the summer and forget the world.

i dontknow why. for some strange reason im feeling sad again. perhaps it's the combination of the really heavy rain just now. the cold air. and everything. im so tired. so so very tired. that time i was telling shuhui im so tired. of life. of everything. sigh. somehow whenever i feel happy, it just wouldnt last. it wouldnt. chit told me something i didnt realise yesterday. she said i've changed. i used to be reallyreally happy. now i always look so sad. so depressed. she said "youre not like the jiaying i once knew," is it true? zouzhao has also been asking, why do you always look so sad! sigh. i dontknow. i really dontknow. maybe thats the way life goes. or at least, thats the way my life goes. i dontwant to live the rest of my life through like this. not one second happy, the other sad. i dontwant to have to remind myself of unhappy stuff. and stress. like how whenever im feeling very happy i have to remind myself im soon gng home to face my grandma again. the rain and the cold air reminded me of northvale. i miss northvale so much. then i will feel so sad. whenever i want to feel free and happy, i have to get myself back on track by reminding myself of chinese exam on monday. i cannot afford to flunk it.
sometimes i would just really want to break down and cry. but i cant. i reallyreally hope my life will get better after monday. after the exam. i hate feeling like this. ugh.

was finding a song to listen to on media player. greenwaves<3 it always sound so sad. perfect for my mood now. im tired. i need to sleep. goodnights everyone.

i need happiness. i need joy. i need smiles. i need northvale. i need freedom. i need a hug. a long tight tight hug. i need you.

nicole said she gets sad when i get sad. i dontwant to see you sad darling. because of you, i will try to smile. you too k dear. we have a promise.

need to be held;